A lorry driver is driving 200 penguins to London Zoo when his lorry breaks down on the motorway. The driver gets out of the cab and is looking at the engine when a second lorry driver stops before him and asks if he needs help. The penguins'driver explains he is taking the penguins to the zoo and asks if another man would
take the penguins there. He agrees.
Some hours later, the second lorry driver drives past the first one, who's still waiting on the motorway. The penguins are still on the lorry, and look happy.
"I thought I asked you to take those penguins to the zoo," shouted the very first driver.
The 2nd replied, "Used to do, but I'd some money left, so we're going to the cinema now."
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A duck walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender.
The bartender says "So what can I get you?"
Duck: Umm. Have you got any grapes?
Bartender (looking surprised and choosing the question odd):
No, I'm afraid we don't.
And the duck waddles slowly out of the bar.
24 hours later at the same time frame, the duck waddles in to the bar, hops on a club stool.
Bartender: Hi. So what can I get for you?
Duck: Umm. Have you got any grapes?
Bartender (a little annoyed): Hey! Weren't you in here yesterday. Look buddy, we don't have any grapes. OK?
The duck hops off the stool and waddles out the door.
24 hours later, at the same time frame, the bartender is cleaning some glasses when he hears a familiar voice
Duck: Umm.. Have you got any grapes?
The bartender is really ticked off.
Bartender: Look. What's your trouble? You came in here yesterday seeking grapes, I TOLD you, WE DON'T HAVE ANY GRAPES!! The next time I see your little ducktail waddle in here I'm likely to nail those little webbed feet of yours to the floor. GOT me pal?
And the duck hops off the bar stool and waddles out.
The NEXT trip to the same time frame, the duck waddles in to the bar, walks up to the bartender and the bartender says,
"What the heck do YOU want?"
Umm. do you have any nails?
What!? OF course not.
Oh. Well, do you have any grapes?
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A preacher was told by his doctor that he had only a few weeks left to live.
He went home feeling very sad, and when his wife heard the sad news she said to him, "Honey, if there's anything I can perform to cause you to happy, tell me."
The preacher answered, "You know, dear, there's that box in the kitchen cabinet with what you always called "your little secret" inside and you said you never would want me to open it so long as you lived. Since I'm planning to go home to be with the Lord, why don't you show me what's for the reason that secret box of yours?"
The preacher's wife got out the box and opened the lid. It contained $100,000 and three eggs.
"What're those eggs doing in the box?" the preacher asked.
"Well, Honey," she replied, "each time your sermon was really bad I put an egg in the box."
Now the preacher have been preaching for over forty years, and seeing only three eggs for the reason that old shoe box, he started initially to feel very proud about himself and it warmed his soul.
"And what about that $100.000?"" he asked.
"Oh, you see," she whispered softly, "each time there were twelve eggs in the box, I ..sold them."